It’s been a loooong time since my last post on “Today in Tweets”, but I’m back and I’m bad. And I’m mostly tweeting things that are over 140 characters…deal with it. Enjoy!
This summer was a lesson in never giving up on being a tourist in my own town. It was also a lesson in things I will do to find air conditioning around the city.
I am convinced Bikram yoga is the primary source of all communicable diseases. You will not find me trapped in a room next to MRSA Myrtle and her sweaty yoga mat.
Happiness is found in the shape of an owl “piggy” bank, a pig key holder, a cow creamer, and pug salt and pepper shakers. My apartment is on the verge of becoming a crazy cat lady paradise.
Can we please all ban together and agree to migrate from Facebook to another better social media platform? #OnceMoreIntoTheFray
My “to try” recipe binder is 10x the size of my “faves” recipe binder. This will only grow exponentially as we eat frozen foods and dine out several times per wk. #problemswithfoodporn
Sometimes when I am canceling plans with you, I am actually staying home to watch a tv series from start to finish over the course of 1 wknd. Antisocial or productive?
Do I just step around the homeless man who sleeps on our front stoop? So is this what Snoop was talking about in “LBC Thang”?
What does your day look like in tweets?
My latest bucket list item is to play connect the dots with ALL of my freckles in pen. Then take pics. Artwork or creepy/gross?
We are doing some new training with Josie to establish the pack leader position. This means no couch snuggles for now. I’m not sure it’s worth it. Although, I do like eating without being clawed by a hungry puppy.
I have 4 presentations in 2 weeks. I have imagined WAY too many people in their underwear.
I am 1 week away from winter break. Can I keep it together until then? Stay tuned. Blog posts will certainly be better than this one in a week. Amen.
Apparently people are bookmarking my recipes, and some are even making them! I’m as shocked as you are, but it’s kind of fun. Next up: my attempts at fudge!
I STILL HAVEN’T SEEN TWILIGHT YET!!! #latetotheparty
Barefoot Contessa shared 6 recipes for champagne cocktails yesterday. I know what’s happening at my Christmas party.
I’m actually going to Conan this week, which means that I can cross off another bucket list item. I don’t actually have a bucket list, but I like to mentally check things off of imaginary lists. OCD?
What are your tweets for today?
Restaurant Impossible (on Food Network) has made it impossible for me to dine out without seeing all of the major flaws of a restaurant. p.s. Never look too closely at the dark corners of a restaurant.
Teaming up with other bloggers for Pie Week was so much fun! I can’t wait until our next big adventure.
I’ve been tracking my food on My Fitness Pal and it does not leave room for Snozzberry pie on a twice a day basis. 😦
I’m at a coffee shop studying/blogging and a cat just jumped on my table. Gave me a minor heart attack. Who’s cat is this?!?
Speaking of cats, when I was traveling abroad, we stopped at an outdoor coffee shop. A herd of cats approached, and one decided it wanted to rub its balls on my leg. What about me tells cats it’s OK to invade my space?
This Conan interview with Jeff Goldblum was so hilariously awkward. I couldn’t stop laughing!
Fruit salsa skeeves me out, but the Trader Joe’s Pineapple Salsa is bomb dot com!
Fall has officially hit Long Beach. 2 trees on my block have changed color, and you need a jacket at night. #CAproblems
What are your tweets for the day?
p.s. I almost accidentally signed this post “Nads”. hehehe
Jonathan got the new “Siri” iPhone. The next robot phone to come out will be capable of feeling love.
I almost bought a $250 set of wedding hair pins and then realized they were selling on Etsy for $12. And this is why wedding planning makes you pull your hair out.
I’m going to a taping of Conan tomorrow, and they just happen to have Zach Galifianakis on as a guest. #WINNING
I truly believe Saran Wrap is the source of all evil.
If you don’t already read The Bloggess, you probably should. She saw a Snuffleupagus the other day, and you can’t really beat that blogging material.
The government has a plot against sleep. Need proof? Garbage trucks, construction workers, and Michelle Bachman.
Homemade apple pie is on my fall to-do list, but I’m really hoping somebody else just does it for me. Doesn’t pie taste better when you don’t have to lift a finger for it?
What are your Tweets for today?
There has been mucho discussion of fried banana pies on the real Twitter and it is making my mouth water. Somebody in the blogosphere needs to do this. Oh, and you’ll probably want to use Kirsten’s amazing pie crust.
I had my first successful Neti pot experience yesterday and it was as disgusting as it seems. But sort of that fascinating disgusting…know what I mean?
Josie does this new trick where she brings me her collar when she wants a walk. SO DEMANDING!
We upgraded our DVR, so now it can hold hundreds of shows at a time. I’m in trouble! I already watch approximately 500 hours of tv per week, but now I have extra time for shows like Dance Moms. ruh roh
Fall has made an appearance in SoCal! I know this because I found apples in my CSA box this week 🙂
I want to install a fro-yo machine into my kitchen. That doesn’t seem terribly unreasonable.
Jonathan found this site for recipe collecting. What do you use to keep your recipes all in one spot? I need to use some sort of system.
What are your tweets for the day?
If I were to put any thought or effort into Twitter, these might be what my tweets look like:
I haven’t showered in the past 36 hours. I want to make it to 48, but I have school 😦
Josie is officially 1 today! She got a “spa package” for her birthday, and I’m mostly excited that she no longer has rancid dog breath. Happy birthday!
Twitter is where I go to get my daily dose of comedy from friends and comedians. That being said, I didn’t find a single 9/11 joke funny. Terrorism doesn’t make me chuckle.
Know what does make me chuckle? The fact that Josie had her anal glands “expressed” by professionals yesterday.
The best part of wedding planning has to be wine tastings. We have to know what the guests will experience, right?
I feel like it’s been a really long time since the internet has had videos quite as hilarious as Double Rainbow and Bed Intruder. I wish I had a list of all of my favorite memes since the beginning of the internet.
You know that fake infomercial for the “neck basket“? Jonathan legitimately wants one. I’m not sure how to break the news…
What are your tweets for today?
Follow me on Twitter @madsyjoy
In case you were wondering, these are not my actual tweets. I put little to no thought into my actual tweets and the majority of them aren’t funny, insightful, or interesting. But by all means, follow me on twitter (@madsyjoy) if you want to hear RT from comedians, my tv conquests, and many self-deprecating comments.
How come Lite Ranch tastes like a wonderful summer snack and Fat Free Ranch tastes like the devil’s a$$hole?
“I need a pastry like I need a man.” -one of the best drunken quotes from 2004.
I realize I’m a total n00b, but this blog is make-me-cry funny The Clearly Dope. I spent a solid hour on there today.
I honestly have no idea what “fabric softener” is. It seems like a marketing ploy to me.
My new favorite karaoke song is Zombie, by The Cranberries. Something about getting screamy during karaoke makes me happy.
The majority of our wine rack is 2buckChuck. I must be going through an ironic phase. Time to grow a hipster moustache.
One of my friends only farts in the bathroom. I can’t think of a worse way to live your life.
I frequently think, “I want to nap, but I’m too amped up on caffeine.” #firstworldproblems
What’s your day like in tweets?