Me: Has there ever been an attempt to make a human monkey baby?
Jonathan: Like Planet of the Apes?
Me: No, I mean a legitimate attempt to breed a human monkey baby. They can make ligers, why not a human monkey baby?
Jonathan: Think about what you are asking me.
Me: I mean, I get that it’s not PC in this day and age, but they did all sorts of crazy experiments in the 50s. Surely I’m not the only one who has thought of this.
Jonathan: I’m done talking about this.
Me: Will you please just look it up on your iPhone?
Jonathan: *sigh* Ok, I found something on Yahoo Answers. Do you want to trust this?
“We are more closely related to chimps and bonobos than horses and donkeys are to each other, and it’s well-known that they can interbreed. There is a rumour that a certain scientist once impregnated a chimp using his own sperm, but got cold feet before the offspring was born and destroyed the animal. A human-ape hybrid is never likely to happen for moral and ethical reasons, supposing it’s possible at all, and a good thing too – imagine an animal with the strength and aggression of a chimp and the intelligence and capacity for evil of a human. It’d be lethal.”
Me: I KNEW IT! Wait, could you please repeat the last line?
Jonathan: “…imagine an animal with the strength and aggression of a chimp and the intelligence and capacity for evil of a human. It’d be lethal.”
Me: hahahaha OMG I WANT THIS HUMAN MONKEY BABY TO BE BORN!
Jonathan: You might not want to post that on your blog. It seems highly unethical.
Me: They’ll understand.