Today in Tweets

In case you were wondering, these are not my actual tweets.  I put little to no thought into my actual tweets and the majority of them aren’t funny, insightful, or interesting.  But by all means, follow me on twitter (@madsyjoy) if you want to hear RT from comedians, my tv conquests, and many self-deprecating comments.  

How come Lite Ranch tastes like a wonderful summer snack and Fat Free Ranch tastes like the devil’s a$$hole?

“I need a pastry like I need a man.” -one of the best drunken quotes from 2004.

I realize I’m a total n00b, but this blog is make-me-cry funny The Clearly Dope.  I spent a solid hour on there today.

I honestly have no idea what “fabric softener” is.  It seems like a marketing ploy to me.

My new favorite karaoke song is Zombie, by The Cranberries.  Something about getting screamy during karaoke makes me happy.

The majority of our wine rack is 2buckChuck.  I must be going through an ironic phase.  Time to grow a hipster moustache.

One of my friends only farts in the bathroom.  I can’t think of a worse way to live your life.

I frequently think, “I want to nap, but I’m too amped up on caffeine.” #firstworldproblems

What’s your day like in tweets?



7 thoughts on “Today in Tweets

    • I second that! I think I bought it by mistake? I honestly can’t understand why else I would have put something that disgusting in my shopping cart.
      Also, low-fat cheese should not be allowed in any home.

    • It definitely does if you make it homemade and full-fat, but I don’t have time for that. I have a long way to go before I can be my own Mark Bittman.

  1. You know your Life in Tweets posts are some of my favorite. The only farting in the bathroom thing made me laugh SO hard. And for the record, anything the should be made with full fat dairy products should never, EVER have a fat-free version. The same rule applies to desserts.

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