What’s a wedding?

My history with weddings include attending one when I was 12, and acting as the screaming/crying flower girl running down the aisle in another.
Tomorrow marks my first time attending a wedding, not only as an adult, but as somebody who can converse with wedding guests, buy a gift for the couple, and decide when I get to leave the event.  It will be glorious indeed.

Due to my complete lack of experience, I am completely inept at wedding etiquette.  Etiquette in general seems to be something people have chosen to ignore since the 21st century, but weddings are a different story.  Never have I heard so many catty women, than when talking about the proper dos and don’ts of weddings.
For example, did you know the mother of the bride is supposed to buy her dress first and then the mother of the groom may have her choice…as long as it is in complimentary colors to the bride’s mother.  The list of these asinine things could fill up the entirety of the internet.

As I get deeper and deeper into the trenches of engaged folk, I’ve come to realize that there are some standard things that I will be avoiding like the plague when my time comes:
1) Anybody can wear whatever they want, as long as it is dressy and they feel good in it.  If I have more than one bridesmaid (which I HIGHLY doubt), they will all wear whatever they choose.
2) Save the dates will be cheaply and easily manufactured, as will any and all photographs of the event.
3) Mothers may have control of any and all parties leading up to the “big day”, but cannot touch the wedding portion.  I figure most moms get so up in arms about their kids’ weddings, that the bridal showers are more about them anyway.
4) There will be booze.  Lots of it.  And for free.
5) The ceremony itself will be private for family only.  I know the majority of my friends have zero interest in the actual “kiss the bride” part.

This is as far as I’ve thought my hypothetical wedding through, but I think starting with what I don’t want will lead to an even more awesome list of things that I do want.

What’s your future wedding like?

-M

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