I got my wisdom teeth out three days ago. That’s also the last time I pooed and the last time I wasn’t high. I am writing this while hopped up on Percocet (my narcotic of choice) and watching Lady Gaga on Oprah. This inspired me to write about everything you missed while you were at work for the last 3 days (which probably wasn’t much because I have no idea if I was watching reruns or not).
What Not to Wear–Stacy and Clinton find out that moms-to-be love to wear baggy t-shirts and overalls covered in strained peas. Shocker of the season: hicks don’t understand the concept of tweed pants or pointy-toed heels.
Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew–Dennis Rodman is in rehab because he is too zen-like for the real world. Some unfamous dude that got kicked out of Alice and Chains pukes corn, but who doesn’t? Heidi Fleiss is hideous and fabulous all at once! That crazy chick from America’s Next Top Model likes drawing attention to herself by making up horrific stories of sexual abuse.
Say Yes to the Dress–Brides are still having trouble picking out THE dress.
Food Network–Bobby Flay lost TWO throwdowns! Paula Deen used a LOT of butter! Challenge cakes were fantastic as usual, they still had trouble getting tall cakes to the table!
Real Housewives of Orange County–A psychic came and recapped everything we learned about the housewives in the previous seasons. He was so epically clarvoyant. The ladies then got drunk on jello shots and drove home. Being a celebrity is so great cause you can drive drunk and totally not get a DUI.
That’s everything you missed!